TMI Tuesday #212

Today we are celebrating Between My Sheets Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2009 by stealing some ideas from the top sex blooger, Coquitten 100th post. Yes, I am that desperately short on new material.

1. I lost my virginity at 18, in the back of a car, on prom night. Where and when did you lose yours?

In my off-campus student apartment in Cortland, NY on Friday, October 12, 1990.  With Veronica.

2. I think my ass is my best sexual feature. What is yours?

For a man, I think I have pretty good legs.  And my ass seems to generate a fair amount of positive comments on Thursdays.  But I think my best sexual feature is not physical, it’s mental- my ability to read a lovers body language and focus on her pleasure.  Or at least, try too…

3. A recurring theme in my fantasies is being slammed up against the wall. Do you have a recurring fantasy or a theme to your fantasies?

I have a lot of fantasies, some of which I’ve been able to experience, others are still on my sexual bucket list.

4. I love watching guys masturbate. Do you enjoy watching others (a partner or a stranger) masturbate?

Watching Veronica or another partner masturbate is very hot.  And instructive *wink*.

5. I hate when guys are quiet in bed. I like to hear you moaning as you cum. Do you like you partners quiet? Are you quiet?

I’m not loud, but I’m not exactly quiet either.  I hate a quiet partner, makes me wonder if she’s enjoying herself.  I have a friend in GA who was far from quiet and I loved it.  And the hotel guests in the adjoining rooms probably did too!

Another friend has teased me that she’s fairly vocal when she’s getting fucked.  Next week I plan on finding out just how vocal she is.  Hehehe

6. I love playing with nipples. Do you having your nipples played with?

I’ve recently discovered that I do like my nipples played with, gently.  No biting or rough pinching for me, though.

7. My ‘number’ is between 15 and 25. What is your ‘number’?

My number is also between 15 and 25.

p.s. Thank you to Coquitten for the ideas and the quotes. And congratulations to her and the other 99 on this year’s top 100 list.

p.p.s. Anyone have some questions they’d like answered? Don’t have a a full set? Individual questions are fine. It isn’t pressing, yet. Please, send me your ideas/questions! EMAIL me at prince[dot]hapnik[at]gmail[dot]com!.

Political Correctness Be Damned

Sometimes, you just have to share some jokes and risk irritating a few people… [Images taken from Sik World]

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Why aren’t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they’re not going to work in the future, either.

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the Cuban national anthem?
“Row, Row, Row Your Boat”

A blonde comes home one day to find her husband banging another woman.

“Billy, what are you doing?!” she cries.

Billy looks at his lover and says “See. I told you she was stupid.”

[Who me?]

What do blondes and turtles have in common?
When you get them on their backs…..they’re both fucked

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. “What can I get you?” the bartender inquires.
“I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,” responded the young man.
“6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?”
“Yeah, my first blowjob.”
“Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house.”
“No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.”

[Any ladies who have my number, you know I like it!]

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Tits for Troops should be up, as usual you can find Veronica and I there.  And there might be another picture of she and I somewhere around here…

Swing Shift Volume 19- Getting Rejected Sucks

Just when I’m wondering what to write about for the next volume of Swing Shift, along comes one of my readers with an excellent suggestion.  Have I mentioned before that I have the best readers?

Here’s a suggestion for a future Swing Shift, it has to do with rejection.

You’ve written about rejecting others at every stage – not answering ads, not replying to emails, chatting but not meeting, meeting but invoking your escape phrase, even swinging and deciding not to do it again.

But how does it feel on the other side? Have you been rejected at any of these stages? Did it lead you to think you were doing something ‘wrong’ or re-evaluate yourselves in any way? (If it hasn’t happened, how do you think you’ll react?)

Have we been rejected? Of course!!!  I think it would be exceptionally arrogant of us not to expect to get rejected, perhaps even more often that we’re not.  Rejection in the lifestyle takes many forms

• We’ve contacted couples that we find attractive, only to be either ignored or told “No thanks, we’re not interested”

Veronica:  Usually people just ignore us.  This pisses me off.  If you are not interested, just send us a quick  email.    Hubman and I email everyone within 48 hours of receiving your email .  Be polite dammit!

• We’ve gone a date with a couple, only to be blown off by them when we attempted to arrange a second date.

Veronica: This has happened once.  We had a date scheduled with them, but had to cancel due to PP deciding to projectile vomit a lot the night before.  Every time we tried to reschedule, they blew us off, citing scheduling issues.   This couple is another reason that we prefer people who are parents.  A couple who had kids would not have been huffy about this.

• We’ve swapped with a couple, only to be blown off by them when we told them we wanted to see them again.

Veronica: We had one couple that did not want to see us after one swap, but they apparently had underlying relationship issues.  We also find that after the third swap sometimes people lose interest.  I think that sometime in the lifestyle people say that they want a long term couple, but are really looking for the constant “new”, and then after having sex a couple of times, it is not “new” anymore.

It is challenging, but we try not to take rejection personally.  When you are with other couples they could be having some relationship issues or other issues that we may know nothing about. Sometimes  after a dry spell or a bad date or some rejection I stomp my foot and pout about wanting to quit,  but I just brush myself off, take a day to lick my wounds and move on.

Whenever possible, we reject another couple as gently as possible.  No need to be insulting, right?  We feel strongly that every couple who contacts us at least deserves the courtesy of a response.  If it’s a couple we’re not interested in, we might say we’re not interested, or tell a little white lie [too far away, not enough time right now, etc].

There was one occasion where we had to be blunt and tell a couple they were bad in bed.  Not familiar with The Tale of Ned and Ann?  Look at the top of this page for that tab.

Recently, I told a couple we were not interested, but my timing really sucked.  I was chatting online with the male half of a couple who contacted us through one of the websites we belong to.  From their public pictures, they seemed like an attractive couple.  But while he and I were chatting, he gave us access to their private gallery, which included face pictures of both of them, and I reciprocated. Unfortunately, I didn’t think that she was attractive, and moments after that revelation, he asked if we would be interested in meeting for dinner sometime, and I declined the offer.  Coming right after I saw face pictures, the message was clear- I did not think that his wife was attractive.  Looking back, this was one of those times where a little while lie would have been better.

The lesson here is that while we feel that it pays to be direct and not lead a couple on, timing can be everything.

Veronica:  If this happens to you, tell them that the partner has to check the calendar and wait a few days to get back to them.  Then reject them.  Once again be polite.

As far as re-evaluating ourselves, I don’t think we’ve done that.  We’ve changed ‘the rules’ along the way and maybe questioned if we might have done something to turn a couple off, but we’re still who we are, you like us or you don’t.  And not everyone is going to like us, which is fine, though hard to believe

So while getting rejected sucks, it’s going to happen once in a while.  Be prepared for it, accept it when it happens, and move on.

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As always, readers comments are welcome.  For our readers in the lifestyle, what are your experiences with rejection?  Any horror stories to share?  We’re in need of suggestions for future editions of Swing Shift, so if you have any idea, please either leave your suggestion in the comments or e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com if you’d prefer to remain anonymous to everyone else.

Scenes from Beantown, and Elsewhere

Back in July when our friend M visited us, we took her for a tour of Boston.  We enjoyed showing her around, even if she’s a freak and didn’t like cannoli from Mike’s Pastry.  A few weeks ago Southern Vixen visited and again, we took her for a tour of Boston.  Why not, right?  Neither of them had ever seen the city before, I know my way around pretty well, and I even have access to free parking in the heart of the North End, aka Boston’s Little Italy!

So now that the female half of The Dirty Side is here [dammit, still need a name for her!], again we have a guest who has never been to Boston before.  So off we went.  As a bonus, knowing that I’m shopping around for a digital SLR, she brought her Canon Rebel 450D for me to play with, which is what I used for these pictures.

Right from where we parked, we could see 2 significant historical sights, the USS Constitution aka Old Ironsides in the foreground and the Bunker Hill monument in the background.

Just a few blocks down the street is another sight, the Old North Church and a statue of Paul Revere.  Remember “One if by land, two if by sea”?  Yes, this is that church tower!

As we headed out of the North End and towards government center, we had a good view of the TD Garden, home of the Celtics and Bruins, along with the Zakim Bridge.

Just a few blocks later we reached what I think of as the heart of historical Boston, the Quincy Market/Faneuil Hall/Old State House area. This is the front of Faneuil Hall.

I have a lot more pictures, some of which I’ll probably mix in with other posts later this week.

We’ve had a fantastic visit with her so far and will be sad to see her go tomorrow.  But she has kids of her own missing her and a job to return to.  Not to mention a husband who has been teased with pictures all weekend long

Lazy Saturday

Not much going on around here today.  Anyone who follows me on Twitter or reads The Dirty Side of Us knows that the female half of that couple [who really needs to come up with a name for us to call her by!!] is visiting Veronica and I this weekend.

As I write this the ladies are at Princess Persistent’s dance class, then they’re planning a trip to the mall later today.  I hear that there is a visit to Fredericks of Hollywood on the agenda.  Don’t worry, my naughty friends, I fully intend on having them model their purchases for me later tonight.  And take pictures

I hope you’re all having a great weekend!

Buying Condoms For The Very First Time

My Swing Shift post on Monday reminded me of the very first time that I bought condoms.  Or rather, I was unknowingly dragged along on a condom buying trip…

In June of 1987 I was 17 yrs old and still a virgin [and would be for 3 more years, until Veronica forced herself upon me, had mercy on me and I met].  Among my good friends were Monica and her boyfriend Nick, and our mutual friend Jane.  Monica is a year older than me, Jane 2 years younger.  Jane was [still is, actually, we're still friends and stay in touch] a very pretty brunette who just happened to have a pretty serious crush on me.  I knew about her crush but didn’t act on it.  Why?  God only knows…

Monica was graduating high school that year, and we were all at her house for a big family and friends graduation party.  Sometime during the afternoon Jane finds me, says that she needs to get something from the store, and could I please drive her there.  So off we go.

Who knows what we talked about, but I never asked what she needed to get.  We get to the store and continued chatting while wandering the aisles.

So, which ones do you prefer?

I realize that she’s stopped in front of the shelves with all of the condoms.

Come on, you must have a preference?

I’m pretty embarrassed right about now.  Here I am, 17 yrs old, with a girl 2 years younger than me, talking about condoms.  I’d never even gotten close to needing condoms yet and her brazen demeanor had me kinda rattled. Not that I was some smooth operator in the first place…

Did I mention the middle-aged woman working the cash register and watching us?  Yeah, that didn’t help.

I ask Jane to stop messing with me, and could we please just get whatever we came here for and go back to Monica’s party.

But this IS what we came here for!

As it turns out, Monica and Nick wanted to have sex later that day once the party was over, but didn’t have any condoms.  She couldn’t exactly leave during her own graduation party, so she asked Jane if she could help her out.

Who knows what the woman working there thought of us- the nervous and rattled 17 yr old guy and the confident 15 yr old girl who is taking charge of the condom purchase.  I couldn’t get out of there soon enough!

Postscript: Years later, Jane confided that she was pretty sure I would be embarrassed, so she decided to mess with me that day.  As recently as this past June, 22 yrs later, I saw Jane, this story came up in conversation, and we shared a good laugh at the memory!

Have a great weekend!!

HNT T-shirts Edition

It’s the first Thursday of the month, so it’s retro HNT time.  Even though the blogger who suggested the challenge of posting something that literally wasn’t half-nekkid is no longer participating in HNT, I’m still here.  Of course,there might be some half-nekkidness hidden somewhere anyway.  ‘Cause that’s the kind of guy I am

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A friend of mine is a Philadelphia Phillies fan and knows that I’m a New York Yankees fan, so she challenged me to do a Yankees-themed HNT this week, since she is doing a Phillies-themed HNT.  Besides, I started the season with a baseball-themed HNT, so it seemed appropriate to end it that way as well.

I grew up in the suburbs of New York City and can remember watching the Yankees on TV on the Saturday afternoon game of the week.  I was 7 yrs old in 1977 when they won the World Series and have been a Yankees fan ever since.

After the Red Sox won in 2004, someone got me this shirt, just to remind any Red Sox fans not to get too cocky.

I also have a basic blue t-shirt with the Yankees logo

[I questioned if using this picture went against the spirit of Retro HNT.  She said I'm more dressed than I usually am and not to worry about it]

Last year Veronica got me this shirt, since it was the last year of the “old” Yankee Stadium.

How about the symmetry? The first new of the old Yankee Stadium, they won the World Series [1923, vs. the New York Giants] and now, the first year in the “new” Yankee Stadium and they win the World Series again.

I need another t-shirt!

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Veronica is starting a new theme this week and is looking as sexy as ever.  Won’t you please pay her a visit?  Visit Osbasso to see who else is getting half-nekkid this week, and visit The Other HNT for NSFW nekkidness.

I’ll be a conference all day Thursday and for part of the evening as well, so I may not get around to visit all of my half-nekkid friends until later on.

Busted!

On a few occasions, Veronica and I have made examples of other swinger’s profiles as part of our Swing Shift series.  Sometimes, it’s in a positive light.  Other times, it’s not exactly flattering.

Remember Swing Shift Volume 11- The Grammar Police?  While preparing that post, I spent some time browsing the swingers sites that we belong to, looking for examples, good and bad.  I took a screen shot of a profile as an example of one that didn’t really tell us much about them.

A few days ago Veronica received the following e-mail:

i was reading back issues of hubman and from swingshift volume 11  he accused us of an empty profile..LOL…guilty as charged….I guess we have relied on meeting people in person before deciding much about them…but still i laughed hard when i realized it was ours he used as an example.  Hope we are not that empty and boring in person

Just my luck, the couple I choose as an example of a poorly written profile reads my blog!  Fortunately, they were not offended, so it’s all good.

Nonetheless, maybe they’ll let us buy them a drink someday to make it up to them…

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HAPPY HUMP DAY!!

TMI Tuesday and Random Pictures

[Stealing the idea from Amorous Rocker, somewhere in this post there is a hidden bonus picture]

TMI Tuesday #211  Click here to see who else is playing along this week.

1a. You just gave yourself a body-shaking orgasm. How long do you have to wait before you can give yourself another body-shaking orgasm?

Body-shaking?  I’m not really sure, though I’m pretty sure I’ve rather efficiently gotten myself off twice within 30 minutes.

With a partner, I’m most certainly NOT in a rush to cum quickly.

Now that I think of it, there have been a few times with Veronica when I’ve had the elusive male multiple orgasm, cuming once, never getting soft, then cuming again no more than 4 or 5 minutes later.  Now if I could only figure out what triggers those and make it happen again…

1b. You just gave yourself a body-shaking orgasm. What is the longest you can wait until you absolutely have to do it again?

At various times in my life, I’ve gone pretty long between orgasms.  Nowadays, Veronica and I have sex damn near every day and I actually don’t jerk off all that often.

Of course, as I write this Veronica is asleep in bed after returning from her trip to NY over the weekend and I haven’t cum since Saturday night when I had phone sex with a blogger friend.  As pent up as I’m getting, I think Veronica is gonna get a nice mouthful the next time we fuck

2a. If you are good in this life, what will you come back as in your next life … if you come back as an animate being?

Why would I want to come back as anything but a person?

2b. ….. if you come back as an inanimate being?

What fun would that be?

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One of the things I appreciate about living in Massachusetts is it’s place in American history.  There are some pretty old sights- the USS Constitution aka Old Ironsides, Faneuil Hall,  The Old North Church, and many others.  Apparently, some homeowners like to demonstrate how old their homes are.  Sitting in traffic Driving to work each day, I’ve noticed these signs on some homes.

1850′s, 1820′s, that’s pretty old.  Then I saw this one:

Now I’ll have to keep my eye out and see if I can find anything older than 1795.

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Veronica arranged for 3 women to visit our house on Monday and she was thrilled.  You should visit her blog today and read about it   Also, don’t forget to visit Tits for Troops today, a new post is up.

Swing Shift Volume 18- Safe Sex and Getting Tested

My friend April [remember, DB and I had dinner with her and her son when we were in Washington DC in late September], who always leaves good comments and suggestions, inspired this weeks edition of Swing Shift.  Knowing that I had the great fortune of having not 2 but 3 women in bed with me at once when Veronica and I were in Las Vegas, she wrote:

I know when my ex and I played with one girl, we didn’t use a condom and he freely went back and forth, fucking us. But then other times, we would have a lot of foreplay before he put on the condom. He would then fuck her, while I played with her various body parts, then take off the condom and finish with me. Other times, we bought more condoms so more fun could be had. Although switching condoms became somewhat of a mood-breaker. So, maybe you could give advice on how to handle the condom situation with multiple partners? What do you think?

First of all, I’m jealous of your ex.  I’d love to be able to alternate between partners without dealing with condoms.  To be able to pull out of another lovers pussy and slide right into Veronica’s mouth.  Or cum inside another woman then watch Veronica eat my cum out of her.  Mmm, maybe someday the right circumstance will come along…

Anyway…

As I’ve written before, I always wear a condom when having vaginal or anal sex with anyone other than Veronica.  So if I’m with more than one woman, neither of whom is Veronica, I’ll put on a new condom whenever I switch partners [listen to me, writing as if this has happened more than just that one time in Vegas!].  Before the fun starts, I always make sure a stash of condoms is in easy reach of wherever we’re playing.  Because nothing ruins the mood like “Excuse me, I’ll be right back”, then leaving our playspace in the basement while I run upstairs to the bedroom for condoms, because I forgot to have supplies on hand.

I’ll be honest, sometimes in the process of opening the condom and putting it on I’ll lose my erection a little bit.  But what guy hasn’t had that happen?  Ladies, if that happens to your guy, you better be understanding!  You know what you can do ladies?  Help out.  Veronica has rolled a condom down my cock numerous times.  “Let me help you with that, honey.  There you go, now you’re ready to fuck our friend”.  Yeah, no problem maintain an erection when that happens!

Veronica:  We just make the condoms part of the play.   Since Hubman and I do not live in a porn movie, threesomes are generally not a surprise for us.  We have designated play places in the house and we keep a stash of condoms there so we have plenty around when we need them.  Usually Hubman is not switching back and forth between both ladies much so the condoms do not get in the way.  When we are having a threesome I usually encourage him to fuck the other girl, since  I am around for sex all the time and he should maximize his sex time with the new person while I lick her clit.    Ooops, I digressed.   Sorry about that.  No one really wants to hear about exactly what Hubman and I do in bed with others.

I also like to put the condom on Hubman before he has sex with the other partner.  I see it as my carefully wrapping up Hubman for our guest.

We’ve been in the lifestyle for a little over a few year now.  During that time, I’ve ALWAYS used protection during vaginal and anal sex with others, as has Veronica.  But condoms aren’t perfect and we’ve both had plenty of unprotected oral sex with others.  So just as a precaution, as few weeks ago I called the local Planned Parenthood office and made an appointment.

Two things really struck me about my visit, both negative.

When I walked into the Planned Parenthood center last Wednesday afternoon, the first thing I see is a guard and a metal detector.  I had to put anything metallic in a basket and pass thru the detector in order to proceed to the reception area that was through another door. In the reception area, the staff was behind very thick, possibly bulletproof, glass.  It’s just a goddamn shame that there are people in the world who make these security measures necessary.

I sit down with a nurse and in a straightforward manner tell her that my wife and I sometimes have oral, vaginal, and anal sex with other partners, other women for me, men and women for her.  I tell her that there is no cause for concern, it’s just that she and I feel that getting tested is the responsible thing to do.  So she collects a urine sample and draws some blood to test me for gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphillis and HIV.  I’m then shown to a private exam room and joined by a nurse practitioner, who looks over  my paperwork, asks why I’m getting tested (I tell her the same thing I told the nurse), and tells me that I should get a phone call in 3-4 days if anything comes back positive, otherwise I can get a copy of my test results within 2 weeks.

I fully expected to be lectured, even just a little bit, about the risks of casual sex with multiple partners.  Nothing, not a single word of caution.  Maybe they felt it wasn’t necessary with me?  Maybe they save that for the 17 yr old kid who comes in with an infection?  Who knows…

In any event, I’m glad I went and got tested.  I’m sure that as we continue in the lifestyle, while it was my first time getting tested, it won’t be my last.

I know some of you are wondering.  No, I did not get a phone call, I’m clean.

Veronica: I have not had much of a conversation with my doctor about my non-monogamous life.  I remember when I went in a little over a year ago (pre-lifestyle) to complain of some pain and bleeding during sex (my mom is only 2 years past a uterine cancer diagnosis and full hysterectomy, I have ANY issues and I’m at the gyno’s ASAP).  The doctor asked me about the frequency of sexual intercourse.  I inform her that I have sex between 6-8 times per week.  She grabbed my chart and asked why I was having sex so much since I clearly was not trying to get pregnant (I’m on the pill to keep me from being an evil hormone addled disaster & Hubman has a vasectomy) I shrugged and explained that was just our sex life.  She made a comment about my needing “pelvic rest” for a week and I got the feeling she did not approve of my frequency.  This has made me reluctant to speak to her about anything regarding an alternative life style.

I had a different Nurse Practitioner this year and I alluded to having sex with women and using toys, and she did not ask me about testing of any kind, but did tell me that I should make sure that if anyone was putting their fingers inside me to make sure they washed their hands first, and told me that I should thoroughly clean and dry my toys after using them.

I considered either changing my doctor or going to Planned Parenthood myself for testing.  However, since I have good insurance and am confident of my medical information being confidential part of me would rather use my insurance.

Sometimes I think I should change my gyno, but they take very good care of me.  Due to my mom’s health issues, my file has been blue flagged by them, so if I call with any ladybit issues, I can often get an appointment for the same day.  However I am not comfortable discussing my sex life with them so in the end, are they the best physicians for me?

However, how do I find a doctor that’s lifestyle friendly, will take my insurance and is close by?  Sexual health is not something you exactly bring up at parties.  Beyond making sure that condoms are non-negotiable it has been my experience that  no one really has an extended discussion about sexual health.  Do my other non-monogamous friends feel that way as well?

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So there you have it, a little about how we incorporate condoms into our play with others and a little about getting tested.  As always, your thoughts, comments and stories are most welcome.  And if you prefer to remain anonymous, just e-mail me at hubman38 at gmail dot com.

Where are the snorkels?