Ignorance in the Lifestyle
Posted by hubman38 on September 13, 2009
This post has nothing to do with the date Veronica and I had last night. We had a very nice time with the couple, there is certainly chemistry between us, and we all talked about making plans to meet again sometime soon, in a more intimate setting 
On Swappernet there are some discussion boards that I occasionally browse and it was on one of these that I came across the following question:
This is a question for the couples here both married and those who play as a couple.
If your spouse/gf/bf got invited to take a weekend (or longer) trip (mini-vacation) for a one on one… would you allow them to do it?
If you already have… what is the longest period of time that you ok’d it?
Some people made some good comments, stating why it’s not for them or that they have tried it in select situations and would consider doing so again. But then there were some really ignorant responses:
that involves all kinds of emotions, and dangerous and can result in a lot of problems that will not be able to be resolved ,lost of friends is not a good thing or stress on both cples realtionship
The old fashioned term for a man who agrees to have his wife carry on an independent liasson with another man is called “cuckhold”. In our opinion this could not work long term for any married couple or any couple in a COMMITTED LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP!!!
No here for us also.. To each his own, we just don’t subscribe to that type of activity. We have met some friends who did “dabble” that way. All 3 couples are divorced now.
These comments all come from people who are active swingers, sharing their partners with others. Yet they all displayed the same bias towards an alternative lifestyle choice, a bias that frankly surprised me.
I think about Sexie Sadie and her open marriage. I’m the first to admit that I have no interest in going out on a date or to see a lover while Veronica stays home to watch the kids. Why would I do that? [Never mind my playing with others while I'm traveling. I'm traveling and am away from home anyway, so Veronica and I look at that differently.] But I recognize that such an arrangement can work quite well for others, such as Sadie and her husband.
I think about Bdenied and his wife. I have no interest in being locked out of the bedroom while Veronica fucks another man. But that arrangement works for Bdenied and his wife. Who am I to judge?
And that’s what bugged me the most about this discussion thread, the ignornance of other forms of open relationships. I bet these people would get defensive if someone declared that swinging relationships are doomed to failure, yet here they are, doing the same thing to others.
Oh well. Life goes on…
Another Suburban Mom said
All good points Hubman. It always amuses me that people will say that these different types of non-traditional relationships are doomed to fail and that is why alternative relationships can never work. However despite a 50% divorce rate, no one ever seems to say that traditional heterosexual marriage is doomed to fail.
Sexy @ Forty said
I say, to each their own I guess. What works for some
might not work for others. I guess there is not any right or wrong way to it?
John and ann said
Hubman,
I believe the old aphorism still holds true, “People in glass houses…”
mnwhr5 said
People do so love their own opinions.
Emmy said
I wish I could say that people surprise me, but they no longer do. I find that people scoff most readily at things that they do not understand – rather than try to understand and realize it is not for them.
Throw in the internet, and it’s a free for all!
mg said
But how do you know that it is ignorance? These people might very well be speaking from experience, and the last comment actually says that they base it on 3 couples they’ve known who tried it. Because they have a negative opinion does not necessarily mean its invalid.
I have a female friend who used to be involved in swinging, and quite happily. Then her husband went on a “mini vacation” with the female half of a couple they knew. Then he left her for said female, who also left her spouse. So she now has a decidedly negative opinion on swinging of any sort, but especially swinging separate. I value her opinion immensely, and would never belittle her experience by declaring her ignorant or wrong. But everyone’s experience is going to be different, and I’m still interested in getting involved in this type of thing. I guess what I’m saying is that in relationships there’s no absolutes, so anyone’s opinion can be just as valid as the next.
Or to put it like my dear ol Dad always did, “Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got em, and someones always gonna think yours stinks!”
hubman38 said
ASM- That’s a very good point, my dear!!
Sexy@Forty- of course that’s not any wrong way. That’s my whole point, that these other people of the discussion board presumed that certain arrangements are somehow “wrong”
JohnAnn- yes indeed!
Mnwhr- they certainly do!
Emmy- your comment reminds me of cartoon, something about instant asshole, just add anonymity. I’ll have to try to find it
MG- you make a good point, but what about the comment “this could not work long term for any married couple or any couple in a COMMITTED LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP!!!” That’s not being judgmental?
Mg said
Yeah that one I was gonna point out as the bad one,but didnt for brevities sake. (Was posting from my phone.) Anyone who thinks they need to explain ‘cuckold’ on a swinger website sounds kind of like a dick, lol