Sorry, but not that sorry

One year ago today I knocked on a hotel room door and paid a woman for sex.  I’m not going to recount that story again, click here if you want to read the story.

Which brings me to the title of this post- Yes, I’m sorry that I cheated on Veronica.  I hurt her deeply and could have done irreparable harm to our marriage.  I’ll never forget how terrible I felt when she shoved me off her and wept openly the first time we tried to make love after she confronted me.  How could I have done that to her? How utterly stupid of me.

But after many hours of heart-to-heart talks and maybe more than a few tears, we got through it and now, a year later, our marriage and sex life is better than ever.  Which is why I’m not that sorry.

Part of what we talked about was desires, both hers and mine, and what we wanted to do to fulfill them.  It started with her posting an ad on Adult FriendFinder for a woman for herself.  Sometime in August she had her first date with another woman.  It went nowhere, but I can remember hanging out in the yard that Sunday afternoon and relaying updates that Veronica was sending me to our (then new) friend M.  Veronica and M had struck up a friendship, and M was still struggling to come to terms with her husband’s affair.  M politely asked Veronica if I wouldn’t mind talking with her about what I had done, and I soon found myself having a brutally honest chat with M, telling her about what I did, why, and how Veronica and I were working our way through it together.  I’m very happy to say that M became a very good friend, a friendship which continues to this day.  We love you, M!

Which leads me to the first reason why I’m not sorry- you, our fellow bloggers.

Veronica had started her blog in October 2007 on a whim.  Around this time last year she started reading more, particularly infidelity blogs, including the now-defunct Philosophy of Infidelity, written by Titus, who became a friend and confidante of Veronica’s.  A number of those blogs, perhaps ironically, helped her understand the cheating mind.  She also discovered the fun of HNT around then and the realm of blogs she read expanded.  I started to read as well during the course of the summer and then started my original blog in September.  Starting with comments left on blogs, we’ve developed a number of good friendships.  Our lives are enriched because of Southern Vixen, SwingerWife, M, Dana, Amorous Rocker, Emmy, Garbonzo, Jennybean and others, some of whom would rather be left un-named, some that I might have forgotten.

Intertwined with blogging is swinging, and the other reason I’m not that sorry.  We’ve had some extremely memorable experiences, some of which we never even wrote about.  And if anything, sex with others had made sex between just the two of us all the more special.  I’m convinced that if I did not knock on that door, Veronica and I would not be in the happy place we are now.  Yes, it was painful at times, but you know what?  Looking back, knowing what I do now, I would do it again.

It’s been a year, time to lay my cheating past to rest.  Never again will I write about that on my blog.  It’s history.

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