Communication Breakdown

Most of the time Veronica and I do very well at reading each others moods and sensing when something is amiss.

Work has been stressful lately.  You know those times when for every item you get off the almighty to-do list, 2 more appear?  Yeah, that’s been my life at work lately.

Veronica has also been very busy and stressed at work.  This coming week will be the first one this year where she won’t have an evening meeting.  Hell, twice this past week we got into bed, looked at each other, and said “Nah, I’d rather go to sleep.”  [I know, cry you a river...  For us, that's highly unusual.]  Combine all this, and neither of us was at the top of our games, so to speak, communication-wise.

Part of what has been bugging me is a lack of communication with others and an absence of play on the swinging front.  Sure, we’ve had a date or two and some fun webcam play with a couple [whom we haven't written about yet.  If and when something physical happens with them, then I'll write something!], but for the most parts everything has been a waste of time.  Finding playmates was starting to become a chore and I was seriously ready to take a break.  Plus, we haven’t seen Sarah in ages.  Every time plans get made, they get canceled.  Yes, every time is completely understandable and we know full well it’s not personal, but still, it gets frustrating.

But I didn’t want to talk to Veronica about any of this.  And therein lies the problem.

I was afraid to bring it up, because it’s all about sex with other women.  Would she think that I’m obsessing over others and not thinking as much about her?  That finding and fucking other women has become more important than our own sex life?

So I kept my thoughts to myself.  Which is a dangerous thing.  When something is bugging me, I benefit greatly from sharing my thoughts and talking it out.  Just getting to vent helps.  To compound it, a very close and dear blog friend, who would understand what I’m talking about, was one of the people I couldn’t reach, at least when I needed it the most.  But that’s the nature of our blog friendships for many of us.  We all have jobs, families, friends, many of whom may have no idea about our blogs.  So sometimes that person may not be able to reply to that text message or voicemail, because they can’t.  I lost sight of that.

The same applies to others in the lifestyle.  Family, work, whatever, gets in the way and you go for a few days without checking that e-mail account and can’t take that phonecall at that time.  Again, I lost sight of that.

Veronica:  The week was stressful for me as well.  Did you know that the windshield wipers on a car has a transmission?  I did not know that either until mine broke and cost $400 to repair.  Monday I spent about 4 hours dealing with an employee that was throwing around ‘hostile work environment’ and ‘harassment’.   I get home and we celebrate PP’s birthday.  The kids are asleep and ’24′ is over and I invite Hubman to naughtiness in the bedroom.  He tells me that he is tired.  No problem, and off to sleep we go.  As we are settling in, he mentions that he is concerned that Dina who is part of the couple we recently cammed with, is not into him.  I tell him that I don’t think that is the case and I promise to call her tomorrow to verify.

Tuesday comes and Hubman and I are at work.   I give Dina a call and leave a message.   I call her again on the way home from my evening meeting and leave a message.  I also call Sarah as well and leave a message.  The kids are asleep when I get home and start to vigorously kiss Hubman hello.  He pulls away with a grunt and starts to stare at the computer.  “Well welcome home to me!”  I think.  I go into the kitchen and put away the salad stuff I picked up.  He and I go off to bed.  We chat a little about his frustrations and She likes it rough followed.

Hubman goes to sleep, and I do too with a smile thinking, “Bad mood dissolved, mission accomplished.”

Wednesday came.  Hubman was still edgy.  I was befuddled.  We had very hot sex last night.  I fed him a tasty dinner.  The house was a little messy but I have seen it a lot worse.  Why is he in a bad mood?  He asks, “Did you talk to Dina today?”  Motherfucker.  It’s them.  He’s in a mood because the ladies have not been returning his calls.  I tell him I did not and that I would call once I got everything cleaned up from dinner.  I called Dina and spent the rest of the night restless, pacing the house tidying and praying for the phone to ring.  These efforts exhausted me and I was too tired to break in our new mattress that night.

Thursday comes.  Hubman is a little edgy but not bad.  We go to bed and break in our new mattress, yet I feel that he is distracted.  Afterwards we talk.  He complains about the people and I go into fixer mode.  I suggest that we try another website and focus our energy on parties.  He informs me that he does not like our profile name.  I am getting really cranky now.  I have been spending the week trying to get to the bottom of his bad mood and dissolve it.  And while I usually don’t mind, this week is one of the few times I do not have the patience for this.  My week has been long and extremely stressful with no reprieve in sight. Hubman and I chat and plot some more  and with a solid action plan in place he feels better and goes to sleep.  Later I fall into a restless, fitfull sleep.

It’s now Friday.  I am exhausted having been up at 5am the day before and not asleep before midnight that night.  I am raw and irritable.  Even though Hubman has not expressly said that the lack of communication from the ladies this week was the cause of his continuing angst, I knew that it was.  But I did not want to broach the subject with him as I did not want to cause him to get into a bad mood. I was feeling tentative yet irritated.  I can see being irritable because of work,  or the house looked like it required an intervention from FEMA, but to be irritable all week because some women he wanted to fuck weren’t calling us back really annoyed me.  Is he that desperate to fuck other women?

Hubman is in a better mood and does not seem to notice my masked angst as he heads to work.  My mood has not improved. I yell at the kids and by the time I get to work I am exhausted and literally on my last nerve.  Thankfully my boss started his weekend early so I did as well so I could take a nap.

Refreshed and relaxed my mood was improved and I was intent on enjoying the evening.

To be honest, when I asked Veronica to add her thoughts to this post, I did not expect a complete recap of the week.  But she wrote it, so there it is. One thing that did bother me was she did not acknowledge that she too has been frustrated about the lack of play with others.  She even wrote about it last week.  I pointed that omission out and she said “Oops, forget to mention that.”  It wasn’t just me who was getting frustrated!

While my mood was influenced by a number of factors, only one of which was other women in our life, from her perspective, that was the only reason.  Part of the reason she didn’t know about the other stressors in my life this week is because I knew how stressful her week was, so I held back.  If I hadn’t done so, she would have a better perspective on what was bothering me.

Friday night we had a date.  Just the two us, doing what we used to do before swinging, going out for a nice peaceful dinner without the kids [OK, not so peaceful, with the damn waitstaff singing happy birthday to not 1, not 2, but 3 different customers while we were there!], a little time at our favorite strip club and some hot sex when we got home.

No sooner than we pulled away from the house did we start talking, clearing the air.  It was exactly what we needed, just 2 or 3 days late.  Not too late, because no harm was done, but we could have both saved ourselves a little emotional turmoil and angst if one of us initiated a conversation earlier.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, communication is the most important thing for a couple in the lifestyle.  This past week Veronica and I forgot that.

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Epilogue:  We had a great date night and lots of fun at the club.  We both got lap dances from the same gorgeous blonde [Veronica and she even played with each others tits!], during the drive home I finger-fucked her to orgasm, she blew me for a bit while I was driving on the interstate, and we had fantastic sex once we got home!

With it rains, it pours, with potential playmates. Just before we left for our date, Dina popped up on Yahoo Messenger to say hi and apologize for not getting back to us all week.  Then on Saturday Veronica confirmed a date with Sarah for one day this week!

All is well